South Padre Island, Part Two

More pictures! :) It was such a fun trip. Just what we needed - a week away, spending time with family and relaxing!

Sandcastle Trail. Along the main road, there are something like 20 sand castles, all built and preserved. We only saw a few, but they were really works of art!

The lighthouse at Port Isabel. This has been here for years and years. It was fun to go up to the top and see the view across the bay to the island! There is so much history here at this port, and we also went to a few museums as well this day to learn more about it.

The dolphin cruise was one of my favorite activities that we did! We saw SO many dolphins - and even a little newborn one! A couple of dolphins even came up and swam and jumped right by the boat - it was amazing to watch! 

And of course, we had to hit up the Schlitterbahn water park there! We had a blast riding rides and taking the babies around the kiddie pool/huge sand castle area.

South Padre Island, Part One

This past May, we went to South Padre Island, TX with Carl, Jen & their baby. It took me so long to finish the pictures up from that trip! It was such a fun vacation. We spent a week there, hanging at the beach, going on a dophin tour, checking out the lighthouse, and just having fun together. The girls had a great time together as well!

LOTS of pictures coming. :)

Of course, the beach was the favorite activity! Although Maddie really, really hated the ocean at first, she soon ended up loving it - after a few days.

Maddie: 10 Months

Dear Maddie,

Only 2 months left until you are a year old! My mind simply cannot comprehend this. This past month has been one of much growth and development for you.

-You weigh 16 lbs, 4 oz and are 28.5 inches tall.

-Fun fact.. you grew about an inch and a half this past month!!

-You wear size 9 month clothes, size 12 month jammies/dresses, and size 3 diapers. Dressing you is really hard - you are in the weight for 6 month clothes, but the height for 12 months! You also carry your height all in your legs, which is so odd for a baby. :) You'll love it when you're older, though!

-You are semi-mobile these days! You've figured out how to roll around to get what you want, and you won't ever stay on your back anymore... you immediately flip over and reach or roll to get the nearest interesting thing to play with. You even sleep on your belly sometimes now - and when you do, you sleep through the night in your own bed!!

-We have entered the vacuum stage with you... If there is even a tiny crumb on the ground, you will pick it up and eat it. When taking your 10 month pictures, you kept putting rocks in your mouth!

-You have 8 teeth and eat anything I put in front of you. You love chicken, peas, bananas, yogurt, and PB&J.

-You drink 4 4-5 oz bottles each day and eat 3 meals.

-You've recently begun fighting diaper changes and clothing changes. I think you just hate sitting still these days.

-You are constantly talking! You generally just say "ya-ya-ya-ya" but you do know a few words. Mom, Daddy, hi.

-No matter how much you grow, you are still so sweet and cuddly and I just love it! You are our calm, content baby and we just love you so much.

Love,
Mom

Maddie: 9 Months

Dear Madelynn Kate,

At 9 months, you think you are such a big girl! Your little personality is coming out more and more each day and you just delight us.

-You say Mom, Daddy, hi. Not on command, but you say them.

-You love to play peek a boo and "SOOOO big!"

-You wear size 6 and 9 month clothes, and size 2 diapers.

-You weigh about 15 1/2 pounds!! Hooray! You are growing at a nice pace again! 

-You drink a 4-5 oz bottle 4 times per day, and a 5 oz bottle in the middle of the night. You eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No more baby food for you! Your favorite things to eat are mandarins, yogurt, baby crunchies, and watermelon. Also chicken and ground beef.

-You still don't sleep through the night. You only even come close every now and then. You also spend the majority of the night in our bed. It's the only way I get some decent sleep, and with all the traveling we've done the past month, and knowing we are moving soon, I'm not sleep training you yet. I'm waiting until we get moved and settled a bit more. But you better start sleeping through the night before I start teaching again or else! ;)

-You are a great napper, though. You have settled into two 1.5-2 hour naps per day.

-You are immobile. You can roll, but choose not to. You have no interest in crawling or moving, you are just content to be as you are. You will play for long stretches of time by yourself if I am sitting within eyesight.

-You are very much a Mommy's girl. I am the one you want when you are emotional, tired, cranky, or sad. I love all my Maddie snuggles!!

-You have 7 teeth, 4 on the bottom and 3 on top

-You LOVE anything water related. Swimming, showers, anything. You are our little fishie, for sure! You even love getting your face wet and will dunk it in the water yourself. You have no fear when it comes to water!

-You definitely have a bit of anxiety. New situations, new people, all make you very uncomfortable. You get clingy, and nervous, and play with your hair and snuggle into Mom or Dad. It takes you a while to warm up to new people, usually. You just like to survey the situation first, and then you are fine.

-You will randomly lean in and give me a (very slobbery and open mouthed) kiss on the cheek. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. It is so stinking cute!!!

We love you tons, miss Maddie. Keep growing!

Love,
Mommy

Maddie: 8 Months

Dear Madelynn,

My, how time flies with you! You suddenly seem so much more grown up - I can see that you are beginning the transition from baby to toddler. NO! Stay a baby! :)

-You sit up completely unassisted now, and can sit up for long periods of time, even reaching out for toys and bending over, then sitting yourself back up.

-You have decided that purees are for the birds, and you want big girl food now. You will eat, literally, ANYTHING I put in front of you. Your absolute favorite food is mandarin oranges and ground beef. You love everything that we have given you! You even had a taste of key lime pie here in Texas - and loved it!

-You and I have come to terms with mostly weaning you this month. This has been the absolute hardest milestone for me. It was necessary (you are on a high calorie formula now to help you grow), but it has made me so sad. I loved nursing you. You still nurse first thing in the morning, but then you have bottles for the rest of the day. That morning nursing session is one we are both still clinging to, though. It's my favorite time of day, these days, looking down at you, playing with my hair while you eat, and savoring this time. I know it will end all too soon.

-You wear 6 month clothes, 9 month jammies, and size 2 diapers. I put you in 9 month outfits sometimes, but they are still very big on you.

-You have no interest in crawling. When I put you on your tummy, you push backwards a little, then just roll right over to your back, where you prefer to be. I don't mind - I am enjoying your non mobility for the moment!

-We discovered that you love play food! We have been staying at your Grandpa Nichols' house for a few weeks, and we pulled out the tub of play food for you to play with. You have been having a ball with it! You get so excited over all the food and would rather play with that than any other toy.

-You and I took our first solo airplane ride this month as well! Just you and me on an airplane. It was really rough at first, but then we got everything figured out and the rest of the trip was good.

-I've also noticed that you are taking much more interest in books these days. Especially board books - you love to turn the pages as we read them.

-You take 2-3 naps per day, depending on the day, but you put yourself to sleep for each one without a fight. You never fight nap time, just bedtime. :) However, you are now sleeping 6-7 hours straight each night!! This is a HUGE step in the right direction. Your longest stretch is generally from 12-1 AM until 7 AM. You usually sleep from 9-9, but wake up a few times in between, for your paci or for cuddles.
 

-You nurse once and drink 4 bottles through the day. You eat breakfast and dinner and we are starting to give you lunch as well. However, I am stumped as to how to get you to drink more milk! I am supposed to be getting 28 oz/day in you... and you refuse to drink more than 20. I have decided to not fight it, as you seem to be growing again (HOORAY!) and so I think you know when you are hungry and when you are not.

Lots of love,
Mommy

When Things Get Tough

Life.

Sometimes it is glorious and sunshiney and full of beauty and happiness.

And sometimes? Sometimes it is messy, crappy, and full of worry and failure.

Right now I am definitely feeling more of the latter. I am so worried, stressed, and anxious at the moment.

Maddie was born 9 lbs, 1 oz. She dropped to 8 lbs 3 oz by the time we left the hospital 2 days later (which is normal) but was back up to 12 lbs 11 oz (90th percentile) at her 2 month checkup. From then on, we have been seeing a huge decrease in weight gain for her. By 4 months she had only gained 9 oz and had dropped to the 40th percentile for weight. The doctor wasn't too concerned, as around 4 months most babies fall into what will be their regular growth curve from then on. We assessed my milk supply, as I breastfeed, and determined that it was sufficient for Maddie. We checked diaper counts, pumping amounts, and her developmental milestones. All looked good.

By 5 months, she had only gained another 6 oz. Normal breastfed babies gain .5-1 oz per day, so she was clearly behind in weight gain. We decided to up her feedings, both milk and solids, and come back for a check.

At her 6 month appointment a few weeks ago, she had lost 2 oz, putting her in the 10th percentile for weight now (13 lbs 8 oz). She is clearly dropping significantly. Even her height and head circumference growth have slowed down considerably (height has gone from off the charts to 52nd percentile. Head circumference has gone from 85th percentile to the 16th percentile).

We have been officially diagnosed as failure to thrive, meaning that Maddie is not growing as she should.

I cannot explain to you the feelings that come along with this diagnosis, especially as she is an exclusively breastfed baby (with solids). I am doubting everything about my ability to care for and feed my child. We are trying to supplement, but she is currently refusing bottles, as well as cups or baby oatmeal mixed with formula. This girl has serious opinions about food and what she likes. Surprise, surprise. :)

We still think that the problem is not my supply, as she has the required 6-8 diapers per day, seems satisfied after most feedings, and I can pump a normal amount. She is also right on track with her cognitive and motor development. Even still, we are trying to supplement and see if that makes a difference. I have no problem feeding her formula, but she just. won't. take it. It is so stressful. I am also trying a few different things to increase my milk supply. This way we can definitely rule out "not getting enough calories" as the reason for her not growing.

We have started the process of testing to see if there is something in her body that is causing her to either not absorb the calories, or to burn more calories than she is taking in. It is heartbreaking to watch your little baby screaming bloody murder as the nurse tries to take blood from the teeny tiny veins in her arm. To think that there could be something wrong with my perfect baby. Some of the possible diagnoses are terrifying to me.  I can only hope that the fix is something as simple as a formula bottle each day or an iron supplement if she is anemic. I am literally driving myself crazy with all the thoughts of "what if." But I can't seem to stop my brain from thinking worst case scenario.

This week, at her follow up, she had only gained 2 oz in the past 2 weeks. Still not enough. Her blood work came back perfectly normal, which is good, but still means that we don't know what is going on in her little body. We have made appointments with the pediatric GI and the lab at Phoenix Children's, but they can't get us in until late May/early June. I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do for my little girl! And it makes me even more worried that we can't get her in to the doc for nearly two months. We will continue to do weight checks with our regular pediatrician, to make sure she is doing okay, but at this point it is a waiting game.

After this appointment, we have narrowed down the basic reasons to "not absorbing enough calories" or "burning too many calories." She is eating plenty of calories. We may need to schedule an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist as well. I feel like a failure. I know it is nothing that I did, and I know that she will probably be fine, but I just can't help it. I look at my skinny-minnie baby and wonder what I did that is causing her not to grow. I don't care if she's skinny, she just needs to be growing!!

I know I am not the only one to face this, very general, diagnosis with their baby. However, it is so much harder than I would have thought. I can't keep the negative thoughts away. I hold her tighter as each day passes without any answers. I hope she knows how much I love her, and that I am doing everything in my power to help her.